I’m among friends here, right? So can I just say that... Holy hell, the threat of covid does not play well with my anxiety disorder. Pandemic plus a natural tendency toward panic is a terrible combination. Are you feeling it, too? The exhaustion? The low-grade fear that’s a constant hum in the background? The worry that you’re making too much of it followed by the worry that, three years in, we’re minimizing it WAY too much?
Yes to all of this. Pervasive stress, exacerbated vigilance. Heart disease runs in my family, too, so I understand the necessity of cautiousness. My father died of a cardiac arrest when he was 42 (I was eight). He also loved Lorca. If I'd had the chance, I would've traveled - I am sorry that you caught Covid in the process. I am started to suspect it's only a matter of time before all of us do no matter what kind of precautions we take (I am also bivalent boosted and masking, avoiding indoor events). Thanksgiving will be two of us here at home because we are declining an invitation to join 30 formerly sensible family members indoors (Michigan), a large portion of whom were feeling "under the weather" recently. At least five of them have had Covid in the last couple years. I worry for all of us. Long Covid is real. The less we get it matters. This is a kind of mantra to not get caught up in the Panglossian post-Covid wave. Thank you for putting all of this into words. So much of what you write resonates with me.
This. The tenor of these times. And your grace through it all. The terribleness against the great beauty of your snapshots of your travels. Madrid as the poetry of every line.
I feel like I'm a little Covid canary, since I seem to get it as often as possible now, the very start of any wave. I did not get it for the two years that France required vaccine checks for non-essential indoor spaces and indoor masking (excluding restaurants). All that was apparently enough to keep me from getting it. Being recently vaccinated makes it a lot less severe, but I still get sick. I honestly don't know why we can't at least all mask on the Metro, a sardine can for concentrating viruses. The level of aggressive denial about it all is so strange.
Childhood medical trauma and haunting yes. Cancer cluster survivors here, and now it looks like the wizened mother's lifetime of chain smoking has lodged a "mass" in one lung, and we're all trying very hard not to spiral, and I have to get on planes with unmasked dickheads, and well. Yes. All of it. None of us wants to do this again, but it's not really a choice, is it?
Fingers crossed the heart monitor shows only anxiety ...
The shortness of breath! The yawning, oh, the yawning! (I know.)The vacillation between overreacting and underreacting. It all resonates. Thank you for writing about it.
Oh, Cari. I'm so sorry about your dad, and the difficult mix of pre-existing anxiety and the pandemic years. Beginning with the title of your piece, I identify with what you write here since I have CPTSD from childhood trauma and an adult rape and trial. I was preparing for a lawsuit deposition in December 2019 that would have finalized a car accident payment. The pandemic delayed the deposition almost two years. It was settled in my favor, but after much more difficulty than there would have been. The last years have taken a toll on all of us. So much loss, uncertainty, changed plans. On a January 2022 trip to Portland—fully vaxxed and masked everywhere—to see the first place I'd wanted to buy in years, my realtor was caught in Mexico City by Omicron, I caught Omicron from my baby nephew, and I panicked about buying a place I'd seen for an hour, sold it this summer, and realized a week later I should have kept it and moved in. I'm still coming to terms with the panicky set of decision I would not have made without Covid. I'm again looking for a place to move to in Portland. I hope we are neighbors in 2023. Your doctor knows better than me, but what you describe could be long Covid, which I have, both the brain fog and the exhaustion. In its early stages I had heart palpitations and mild trouble breathing (if that can be called mild). I've had a full physical and everything is fine, as it was pre-Covid, and yet I feel so strange. The good news is the physical effects seem to be receding, but the brain fog mixed with my anxiety is So Not Good on a daily basis. You're not alone. I hope you get all good results and feel better soon. Take good care.
Yes to all of this. Pervasive stress, exacerbated vigilance. Heart disease runs in my family, too, so I understand the necessity of cautiousness. My father died of a cardiac arrest when he was 42 (I was eight). He also loved Lorca. If I'd had the chance, I would've traveled - I am sorry that you caught Covid in the process. I am started to suspect it's only a matter of time before all of us do no matter what kind of precautions we take (I am also bivalent boosted and masking, avoiding indoor events). Thanksgiving will be two of us here at home because we are declining an invitation to join 30 formerly sensible family members indoors (Michigan), a large portion of whom were feeling "under the weather" recently. At least five of them have had Covid in the last couple years. I worry for all of us. Long Covid is real. The less we get it matters. This is a kind of mantra to not get caught up in the Panglossian post-Covid wave. Thank you for putting all of this into words. So much of what you write resonates with me.
This. The tenor of these times. And your grace through it all. The terribleness against the great beauty of your snapshots of your travels. Madrid as the poetry of every line.
I feel like I'm a little Covid canary, since I seem to get it as often as possible now, the very start of any wave. I did not get it for the two years that France required vaccine checks for non-essential indoor spaces and indoor masking (excluding restaurants). All that was apparently enough to keep me from getting it. Being recently vaccinated makes it a lot less severe, but I still get sick. I honestly don't know why we can't at least all mask on the Metro, a sardine can for concentrating viruses. The level of aggressive denial about it all is so strange.
You know how I feel about all this. Thank you for being another voice saying it out loud. Sending so much love. ❤️
As someone who has panic attacks that feel like heart attacks...i feel all of this. And I feel for you. Sending you lots of love. ❤️
Childhood medical trauma and haunting yes. Cancer cluster survivors here, and now it looks like the wizened mother's lifetime of chain smoking has lodged a "mass" in one lung, and we're all trying very hard not to spiral, and I have to get on planes with unmasked dickheads, and well. Yes. All of it. None of us wants to do this again, but it's not really a choice, is it?
Fingers crossed the heart monitor shows only anxiety ...
The shortness of breath! The yawning, oh, the yawning! (I know.)The vacillation between overreacting and underreacting. It all resonates. Thank you for writing about it.
Oh, Cari. I'm so sorry about your dad, and the difficult mix of pre-existing anxiety and the pandemic years. Beginning with the title of your piece, I identify with what you write here since I have CPTSD from childhood trauma and an adult rape and trial. I was preparing for a lawsuit deposition in December 2019 that would have finalized a car accident payment. The pandemic delayed the deposition almost two years. It was settled in my favor, but after much more difficulty than there would have been. The last years have taken a toll on all of us. So much loss, uncertainty, changed plans. On a January 2022 trip to Portland—fully vaxxed and masked everywhere—to see the first place I'd wanted to buy in years, my realtor was caught in Mexico City by Omicron, I caught Omicron from my baby nephew, and I panicked about buying a place I'd seen for an hour, sold it this summer, and realized a week later I should have kept it and moved in. I'm still coming to terms with the panicky set of decision I would not have made without Covid. I'm again looking for a place to move to in Portland. I hope we are neighbors in 2023. Your doctor knows better than me, but what you describe could be long Covid, which I have, both the brain fog and the exhaustion. In its early stages I had heart palpitations and mild trouble breathing (if that can be called mild). I've had a full physical and everything is fine, as it was pre-Covid, and yet I feel so strange. The good news is the physical effects seem to be receding, but the brain fog mixed with my anxiety is So Not Good on a daily basis. You're not alone. I hope you get all good results and feel better soon. Take good care.